To retire/stay home or not

Preparing for life after work. RRSPs, RRIFs, TFSAs, annuities and meeting future financial and psychological needs.
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To retire/stay home or not

Post by e_girl »

We are a young couple in the mid 30's with two preschool chilren. I am currently on mat leave, debating on whether I should stay home after the leave.

Here is a financial snapshot of our family:

Assets:
Paid off house worth ~650k, kept in good condition
Investments including RRSP, TFSA, stocks/funds/savings in unregistered account ~ 350k

The assets above do not include the followings:
- RESP fully loaded to meet the government matching grants, which hopefully will be used by the kids
- pension: DH has an indexed DB pension plan. I have a non-indexed DB pension plan.
- two vehicles used for commuting. We expect to keep them for at least another 5 years, if not more.

Debts: none

Benefits:
- both our work places have basic life insurance and cover standard option in the case of disability (60% salary)
- covered by health plans on both sides, we incur nearly zero medical and dental cost

Insurance:
- we have limited term insurance outside work

Income:
DH has a very stable public sector job. I have a relatively stable private sector job. Together we gross ~250k annually. He is the bread winner. His net income is ~ my gross income.

Career:
- DH has an interesting job, but he dislikes the admininstative aspect, which is also required. He is unlikely to quit, unless we win a lottery jackpot.
- I have an interesting job that I like, but not passionate anymore: my job requires team work. A lot of the times I have good teammates, but once in a while, you have to work with not-so-nice co-workers/supervisors and that could make the whole process unpleasant and stressful.

If I stop working after the leave, we do not need to dip into the savings to run the family. On the other hand, we likely will not be making much savings for retirement unless we downgrade our lifestyle, which we do not plan on executing at this point. We are not extravagant people. With seniors/minors to look after, the major items in our expense are hard to cut back significantly.

Our parents are still physically independent. None of them has a pension. They all rely on CPP/OAS/GIS. I expect that eventually they will need more help from us, physically and financially.

We do not intend to upgrade/downgrade house/vehicles in the foreseeable future: on the house that's at least 15+ year; on the cars that's at least 5+ years.

I would love to be able to retire early, but I also wish to spend more time with the kids. My career basically requires continuous participation in the work force. If I take a leave of a few year, due to out of date knowledge and a large employment gap, it would be very difficult for me to find a similar job with equivalent compensation. I also have the fear to enter retirement so early. It is not the value I was brought out with to stop working at this early age.

Here are the pros and cons for me to keep working versus stay home

**********************************

Working - pros:
- continue to build a nest egg
- continue to accrue pension & CPP
- knowledge would increase with the career
- current job has flexibility (work from home is sometimes possible, in late, out early are okay... etc)
- socially up to date with the world outside family/friends
- health plans cover all medical + dental needs
- added coverage of life insurance at work
- foreseeable early retirement as early as 45, depending on how much more we want

Working - cons:
- little quality time to interact with kids on a working day
- we have to juggle on food choices: little time to cook on weekdays
- commute stress: on average a total of 1.5 hours per day
- commute cost: our combined cost on cars is ~ 1k for gas/insurance/tolls, exlcuding maintenance, split 50/50 between us
- work stress: mostly from co-workers with attitudes and supervisors that just march people around
In summary, not the amout of quality time I wish to spend on family.

**********************************

Stay home - pros:
- more time to spent with kids and help them grow better, which I see more and more importance based on what I did/did not do with my older child
- less money on daycare / activities (more time to look for free activities)
- more time on my hobbies
- more time to cook better food
- would save about $350 if not having to commute (still need a car)

Stay home - cons:
- contribution to nest egg is halted
- need to pay partial medical & dental cost: the cost is not certain since we don't know enough about our younger child, who currently looks healthy
- my pension stops (but can stay)
- my life insurance covered at work stops
- very difficult to get back to the same career without spending time and money on renewing my knowledge
- smaller social circle
- need to choose between (1) a basic needs lifestyle or (2) give up early retirement for more secured golden years
In summary, financially we basically stop leapfrogging.

**********************************

I have not chosen one route over the other. I know this is a personal choice. However I would like to hear from other people who have gone through a similar process (what were the deciding factors for your choice). And if you were me, what would you do?

Thank you.
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Re: To retire/stay home or not

Post by Dejavu »

Congratulations on such a wonderful acheivement for yourself and your family. You are in a very enviable posistion in my opinion. To have attained such a financial posistion at your very young age is remarkable. I am not qualified to assess your plan in any detail. I will suggest that your chance to stay home and share time with your children is the best of all possible choices and I believe it will reap rewards for you and them, that will far and away offset any short term finnacial concerns. Good luck with your descision, Dejavu.
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Re: To retire/stay home or not

Post by MALDI_ToF »

Could part time work be an option to consider?
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Re: To retire/stay home or not

Post by Wallace »

Sounds like the bottom line is that you would give up your career to spend more time with your family if you were financially secure.

If that is the case, then the only real decision revolves around whether or not your family is financially stable on only one income. Can you maintain your present standard of living, plan for the future, and be happy on one salary? If the answer is "yes", you don't have anything standing in your way.

If not, consider that a lot of people confuse "retirement" with "financial independence". The former seems far away and people in their 30s rarely think of it. But the latter is often far nearer than they think. IMHO, the goal for young families should always be financial independence. Once that is achieved you can retire any time you like. But financial independence comes at a cost, and that is the sacrifices that have to be made to get there. My goodness, you've done very well so far and are well ahead of your peers, but responsible well-paying jobs come with responsibility and the aggravations of the job that you describe would come along with any career that allowed you to get that far ahead in such a short time. So you might consider planning for financial independence but in the meantime finding ways to make your career more meaningful and satisfying.

Also consider that this might be one of the "crisis" points in life where you suddenly realize how much things have changed for you. You have the responsibilities of a relationship (husband), children, a household, a dog?, your career, finances, parents? It's a long way from being a teenager who is "too busy" to take out the garbage, and it's easy sometimes to feel overwhelmed and make impulsive decisions. But it sounds to me that the both of you are resourceful and thoughtful. IMHO you'll both be fine no matter what you decide if you believe in yourselves..

All the best
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Re: To retire/stay home or not

Post by e_girl »

MALDI_ToF wrote:Could part time work be an option to consider?
It is an option. It is not encouraged at the current company (don't know anyone who has done that). I can see my manager turning me into a contractor. That would mean my career will stay sideway and I will lose the benefits/pension/bonus/vacation/holidays. This is expected regardless where I work.

The nature of my job requires full participation to stay competitive, ie, getting more challenging work rather than the grunt work, being able to deliver to meet pressing deadline... Contractors in particular are expected to put in more hours, otherwise you will be shown the door.

IMO this would put me under more stress with less financial gain in the long run.
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Re: To retire/stay home or not

Post by AltaRed »

Wallace has very good points. I think the key though is your personal mental and emotional health. What would make you most happy, which translates to happier spouse and happier children? Once you know that, then the compromises start to fall into place.

If you choose to go back to work, hire yourself weekly maid service, and perhaps a part time nanny shared with a neighboring family. Trying to be a super mom will be too stressful diminishing the happiness factor.
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Re: To retire/stay home or not

Post by e_girl »

Wallace wrote:...
If not, consider that a lot of people confuse "retirement" with "financial independence". The former seems far away and people in their 30s rarely think of it. But the latter is often far nearer than they think. IMHO, the goal for young families should always be financial independence. Once that is achieved you can retire any time you like. But financial independence comes at a cost, and that is the sacrifices that have to be made to get there. My goodness, you've done very well so far and are well ahead of your peers, but responsible well-paying jobs come with responsibility and the aggravations of the job that you describe would come along with any career that allowed you to get that far ahead in such a short time. So you might consider planning for financial independence but in the meantime finding ways to make your career more meaningful and satisfying.
...
Wallace
I understand I am not really retiring. Yes, we are not financially independent yet. That is what keeps us, me in particular, to stay in the work force.

I am torn mainly because I only see myself making a meaningful decision at this point. If I wait too long the window of my children being so young and under potential influence of the parent will be gone. Once they enter school they will likely need less time from parents.

I am grateful we are fortunate enough to face this choice. It is true though more choices don't necessarily make you happier. I wish I have more wisdom to see through what we really want out of this.
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Re: To retire/stay home or not

Post by HardWorker »

e_girl wrote:......I wish I have more wisdom to see through what we really want out of this.
Don't we all.

We're a bit younger than you, and also with less resources. If my wife ever wanted to stay home after we had our second child, we would do it. It would mean I'd have to work slightly more hours, or trim the budget a bit, but we have found it dooable in the past. You obviously want to favour the kids, which I believe is the correct descion at the end.

If your career is stressful and not meaningful anymore, would do something else a few years down the road when the kids are older? I'd caution you against starting something demanding as a home business though, my neighbours did it with young kids and regretted it.

I'd take a short family vaccation away from distractions and have a good family discussion about what to do.
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Re: To retire/stay home or not

Post by Descartes »

From what you've written it seems that you are most concerned with bridging the time between now and when your younger children enter school.
Why not focus just on planning to be off work or working only part time during that time period?

The questions I would then ask myself would be:

1. Is the expected impact on our financial plan acceptable?

2. Since I will need to rejoin the work force after that time period, I need to be prepared by either working part-time throughout that period or trying to catch up my knowledge towards the end.
Which of these options are better for me with regard to: feasibility and addressing my objective(s) in taking the time off to begin with?

From my personal experience, my wife stopped work when our first child was born and there are no plans for her to return to work now.
Spending more time with the children was/is more important to us than the additional income ..but we are in a different financial situation than you.
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Re: To retire/stay home or not

Post by like_to_retire »

Kids are entering school earlier now with pre-K becoming the norm. The time between now and the kids entering school is a flash in the pan, then you're stuck with filling that time all day while they're gone. Re-entering the work force will be tough at that time as you've already indicated.

You're simply too young to drop out of the workforce when you obviously have a quality career built up. I understand not returning to wok when the job is low level and hardly covers daycare expenses, but that doesn't appear to be the case here.

Find ways as suggested already of hiring help to get you over the hump until both kids are in school.

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Re: To retire/stay home or not

Post by kcowan »

It seems that you have the logic worked out well. You and DH need to come to grips with the emotional aspect of this. No decision is final. After 8 years, you may seek another form a gainful occupation, or not.

(Just don't underestimate the feelings that will ensue if you choose not to return. Being on leave feels much different than being a permanent home maker.) Good luck! :thumbsup:
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Re: To retire/stay home or not

Post by newguy »

I'm a stay at home dad. I don't care if I never go back to work. I play every day.

We live on my gf's salary (except golf and vacations) and she makes with child benefits(check for those) after tax around $45k. Our investments are growing, but not much, due to what we already have. This was a deliberate choice and neither of us regrets it. She is happier working and I'm happier playing.

There are other savings than gas. Car insurance, coffee, cigarettes, lunches, clothes etc.. I also notice my gf feels guilty and lavishes money style attention like gifts and fancy outings on her days off. Me, I just take him fishing or hiking or make up our own games.

I'd off myself if I spent 1.5 hours in traffic. Save money and move closer to work. It's easier to do when only one person works. My gf walks in less than 5 minutes a day. I realize you have a house with kids and most people are emotionally attached to something like that, so ignore this paragraph.... but think about it :lol: .

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Re: To retire/stay home or not

Post by e_girl »

Thanks for all the replies.

It seems to me most posts so far were replied by male members. I would love to hear opinions from both genders. :)
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Re: To retire/stay home or not

Post by e_girl »

To answer some of the questions:

I had been on mat leave before. While I enjoyed the time with my kid, I was also anxious to get back to work. Back then our assets were much less (house rich and cash poor) and I truly loved my job. I also had not developed a strong bonding with the kid yet. For me it took two years to feel the intrinsic love towards my child. Of course I love my children. It just takes time for me to "feel" my love. It is the same with my younger child.

This time I am still trying to understand myself, to see if my desire to work is more about building a career, or purely money driven. I am a typical woman, always seeking security. If we both work, we will likely be able to weather any financial storms. The most probable type may be long term care of a parent in the future. Reading some of the stories here helps me realize how vulnerable they are to face such needs. We don't know how much we could support them, but we will support them one way or another which is for sure.

To change house in order to shorten commute is not an economical option. Aside from the fact that it costs money to pay all the middle men, to get a similar house close to DH's work may mean we have to deplete all the savings and be tied to a mortgage again. I am happy with the house and the current way we manage our portfolio. The location is commutable for both of us. Hence we are unlikely to move.

I am open to getting help from maids if I am going back to work. It is definitely an option. I have not heard many positive comments regarding how dependable a maid is. A lot of people I know do not seem very satisfied with how a nanny/maid performs. It will take time to look for a right helper for sure.

I am still enjoying the good time off work. Maybe I will get some new perspective in the coming months.

Please share your experiences.
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Re: To retire/stay home or not

Post by e_girl »

Oh yeah, I would definitely be mentally healthier staying home. I just am not sure how meta healthy I am mentally of I continue working. :D When I am teaming up with great people at work, I feel like I can conquer the world. When I need to deal with some sneaky ones, it would feel my soul has been stolen, then you have no more juice when you get home. This is really hit or miss. I have to say though there are more decent people at work than not.

Staying with innocent children is so much more refreshing to the mind.
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Re: To retire/stay home or not

Post by flywaysuzy »

I chose to be part-time after 2nd child was born. That gave me one day extra to be home, and more time off to get meals, laundry, shopping and chores on the farm done. My husband was always so appreciative of the fact he was spared the shopping and cooking, he was happy to clean up the kitchen and do much of the housework ( kids too when they were older) We were so lucky with our daycare mom. She had a licensed family daycare and it was just the perfect place for the kids. No worries about that. My job also has summers off. My commute was only 20 minutes or less, back then. Have had housekeepers now and then, but mostly not.

After my husband passed away, I was at home for a year but returned to work and was glad to be back with friends and colleagues. I still only work 4 days a week even though kids are grown, as it is just too difficult to fit all the skiing that needs to be done into a weekend... :D

Sometimes you need to be more creative with the job/ career/education thing- maybe take some courses or give workshops or volunteer somewhere during your at home period. That way your resume isn't just a blank for that time off. Maybe enquire about short term relief work for people away on holidays or leaves at your current place of work or similar employment? Some people use the time after kids are in school to start their own business in an entirely new field.

Enjoy your kids!
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Re: To retire/stay home or not

Post by kcowan »

e_girl wrote:I am open to getting help from maids if I am going back to work. It is definitely an option. I have not heard many positive comments regarding how dependable a maid is. A lot of people I know do not seem very satisfied with how a nanny/maid performs. It will take time to look for a right helper for sure...
Don't underestimate the effort here. We had a long-time Philippino housekeeper. When she eventually quit, having achieved resident status for her and her boyfriend, we advertised for a new one after several failures. We now have a new (8 years) one who is wonderful. This can make a huge difference for your attitude regarding choices.
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Re: To retire/stay home or not

Post by freedom_2008 »

I certainly agree with Suzy about being creative wrt this. Everyone of us with children went through that stage in our life, every family has their own unique situation and needs to be handled uniquely and creatively.

It is not very easy and comfortable to talk about personal life in public forums. But your post brought back my memory to the time when I was in my mid 30's; a single mother, just started a new career, with $35K and a young child but nothing else, in a new city without any relative. I wished that I could spend more time at home with my son then, but I had to work. My work was in high-tech, similar as yours, very fast-paced and can't really work part time. My salary (and bonus) started from just over $40K/yr in the beginning to around $200K/yr in every of the last 8 years of my career. I have been happily re-married for 15 years and in mid 50's now, my son is mostly independent (in grad school), my husband and I both retired 5 year ago, and are living a simple and happy life.

Personally I would take some time off to be with family if I could afford (like you can now), be it 1 or 2 or 5 years. But I would be prepared to go back to work for sure if I am in my 30s. Life in a long journey, one can never know what is waiting or can happen ahead of 5 years. It is very important to be independent as an adult, be it a man or woman, and there is no real independence without being fanatically independent, period. I understand that it is not easy to go back to workforce after a few years off, but believe me, it is much better to do a career change in your 30's than in your 50's. Look among our old co-workers and friends, we are really the lucky ones that we have the freedom to do or not to do anything, as we like.

Note: edited to clarify some numbers.
Last edited by freedom_2008 on 11 Aug 2013 23:46, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: To retire/stay home or not

Post by apater »

It ain't the 50s anymore. Everyone in a relationship should be financially independant, not living off the generosity of their partner. That will, sooner or later, breed resentment.
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Re: To retire/stay home or not

Post by e_girl »

apater wrote:It ain't the 50s anymore. Everyone in a relationship should be financially independant, not living off the generosity of their partner. That will, sooner or later, breed resentment.
This is a great point. I also believe financial independence plays a significant role in maintaining a healthy relationship (all types).

When I was on my first mat leave, DH wanted me to stay home, and I said no way I would do that. This time, he said it's up to me, but I should think about ways to supplement the drop in income if I stop doing this job. :) He wants to retire early too.

When I say retire here, I should clarify that I mean to retire from the current career, and stay unemployed for a few years. As I don't see it easy to get back into the same career, i.e., may have to settle for something with less money, at least at the beginning of it. That can be very challenging, in terms of learning new skills, adjusting to new environment, and facing different dynamics in a marriage. DH and I are not competing to be a breadwinner (I would never succeeed anyway, not in my dreams), but it helps a lot to know that I do not depend on anybody to survive, when we are facing differences in balancing a relationship. This, was actually a tricky part, at least for us.

Thanks for stating a possible scenario. It is something I should definitely try to avoid.
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Re: To retire/stay home or not

Post by e_girl »

freedom_2008 wrote: ...
It is not very easy and comfortable to talk about personal life in public forums. But your post brought back my memory to the time when I was in my mid 30's; a single mother, just started a new career, with $35K and a young child but nothing else, in a new city without any relative. I wished that I could spend more time at home with my son then, but I had to work...
That is a very inspiring life story.

You did an incredible job in achieving early retirement by building up a career as a single mother, and more so, finding a soul mate on the way.
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Re: To retire/stay home or not

Post by Pickles »

I agree with those who suggest reduced hours and paid housekeeping services as a preferred strategy. You have thought long and hard about your choices but I wish to point out some issues arising from your comments that I find comment-worthy.

1. "DH has an interesting job, but he dislikes the admininstative aspect, which is also required. He is unlikely to quit, unless we win a lottery jackpot."

How absolutely sure are you that your husband would fully support a decision to stop working and become the sole breadwinner? Is it possible he would become increasingly resentful and feel trapped in his position?

2. You say that the teamwork aspect of your job can be stressful when the team members are "not-so-nice" but, at other times, you feel "on top of the world" and that you missed work, after a while, the last time you were on mat leave.

I get the feeling that a moderate disenchantment with your current job is as much a driving force behind considering stopping work as your sincere wish to spend more time with your children. But why limit your options to "work full time or quit", when you believe it would be hard to re-enter your field of work after a couple of years away? You say that part-time employment is an option, but you will earn less and get fewer benefits. Compromises must be made no matter what option you choose. ISTM that part-time employment is absolutely your best option for the following reasons:

You will gain more time to bond with your children
You will preserve your place in the workforce without an additional effort of a job search
You can then, while working, job search for a less stressful job
If part-time work doesn't deliver what you need, you can always quit or go back full-time.

It's like insuring you and your family's future is more secure. I've heard it said that most women are a paycheck or an illness away from poverty. If your husband became ill or died, his insurance is not enough to support all of you and all your medical benefits would stop. You would have to work full time. If he left you, you would likely have to work at least part-time. This would be far, far, easier to do if you keep an oar in the workplace now, even one you only dip it part-time.

I echo Hardworker's advice to have a family discussion about what each person wants and needs and how the two of you, as a team, can best create the life you want. Would he prefer that you work even though he is willing to support all of you if he has to? Would your husband be willing to prepare breakfast and dinner two days a week when you're working to give you more time with the kids? Would you both be willing to pay a cleaner or housekeeper to take on some routine duties at home? Are you willing to prepare and freeze some meals on the weekend to make family dinnertime easier and more enjoyable for all? Would your husband's workplace be willing to reduce his hours for a year so you could both work and both have more time with your little ones. How much of an income cut are you both prepared to sustain given that your family expenses will grow with your children? Is that an option he would like to pursue?

I hope these questions are helpful to you. While there are financial considerations (and this is a financial forum!) the devil is often in the non-financial details. For example, some early retirees and stay-at-home spouses become socially isolated and pounce on their partner as soon as he/she crosses the threshhold, seeking conversation and attention. This can cause friction between the two and an erosion of confidence for the house-bound spouse. Some mothers enjoy their first post-mat leave year off work with their kids but then become bored/depressed as their kids become more independent. If it is hard for them to rejoin the workforce because of their qualifications, they may be trapped at home or forced to take on more menial and lower paid work.

In addition to a family discussion, it would be a great idea to talk to some other women who took time off to raise children. What was successful for them? What were their challenges? While you are on mat leave, you have the time to explore your options. Good luck!
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Re: To retire/stay home or not

Post by e_girl »

Pickles wrote:ISTM that part-time employment is absolutely your best option for the following reasons:
You will gain more time to bond with your children
You will preserve your place in the workforce without an additional effort of a job search
You can then, while working, job search for a less stressful job
If part-time work doesn't deliver what you need, you can always quit or go back full-time.
You asked a lot of good questions which we should answer before making our decision. Unfortunately I cannot provide good answers on a public forum without going into personal details. As a side note, I really appreciate the personal stories/experiences shared so far. They are very helpful.

I will simply give a short answer to the above, although my response no longer relates to a financial aspect: I agree with you that part-time employment is my best option to maintain a work/family balance. The fact is part-time employment is very rare in this career. I do not know anyone who is successful in gaining a valid part-time job from co-workers or friends in the same industry. It just means that by choosing part-time job, I need to accept a different type of job.

Here is the situation:

- if you want to work flexible hours, meaning you can stop working on any day without management approval, you need to be a contractor. No employer that I know would state it is "part-time" work. They will describe the job as "a contract".

- when you are a contractor, you will be given work to fill up gaps that other full-time employees cannot or will not do. Usually, it is the latter. Nobody is irreplaceable from a manager's point of view.

- as a contractor, if you don't perform, i.e., do all the dirty work that regular employees don't want to do within a short time frame, you will be let go, and they don't even need to consider severance. This actually makes a contracting position very stressful, defeating my purpose to work shorter hours.

- as a contractor, you do not get annual evaluation. Your rate/seniority will be fixed unless you change job. Of course, all the benefits are gone.

- my job was not difficult to handle when I had no children. After my first child, the competing situation between work and family became very obvious. When my child is sick, I have to leave work. When the childcare closes on a holiday that my company doesn't observe, I have to take a day off. Most co-workers at work are fine with this, but not every manager understands it. DH's job does not have the same kind of flexibility. As my child grows up, there are more and more things I need to participate with the kid. This requires time from the parents. DH is not the most family-dedicated person. Parents/in-laws love to spend time with the kids, but often spoil their grandchildren by turning on TV, feeding them candies, or allowing them to play electronic gadgets. Delegating parenting is the last thing I want to do. I could delegate chores to a nanny as suggested, but I still need to spend enough time on the kids. Doing this job makes it very challenging, but not impossible I guess, hence I am facing a debate.

In short, if I want to spend more time on the kids without compromising my health, either I take a long leave by staying home, or I pursue a different part-time job with much lower pay at the beginning. Is it worth to go with the second option? I don't know unless I try it out, but that is a choice I would make by having to give up the current job.
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Pickles
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Re: To retire/stay home or not

Post by Pickles »

e_girl wrote:
Pickles wrote: You asked a lot of good questions which we should answer before making our decision. Unfortunately I cannot provide good answers on a public forum without going into personal details.
No need to. They are for you to answer to yourself, not us.
In short, if I want to spend more time on the kids without compromising my health, either I take a long leave by staying home, or I pursue a different part-time job with much lower pay at the beginning. Is it worth to go with the second option? I don't know unless I try it out, but that is a choice I would make by having to give up the current job.
Good luck in sorting it out with your husband. Compromises will have to be made by both of you whatever you choose.
Regards,
Pickles
HardWorker
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Re: To retire/stay home or not

Post by HardWorker »

Pickles wrote: 2. You say that the teamwork aspect of your job can be stressful when the team members are "not-so-nice" but, at other times, you feel "on top of the world" and that you missed work, after a while, the last time you were on mat leave.

I get the feeling that a moderate disenchantment with your current job is as much a driving force behind considering stopping work as your sincere wish to spend more time with your children.
That's what I got out of her first post as well. And as cliche as it may be, and I'll admit to ignoring it a little myself in the begging, it's truly important to enjoy what you do. Even if you're not madly passionate about your job, you absolutely shouldn't be in a job that you don't care for. I know it's much easier said than done, but it's really worth the effort to find what you enjoy. I am very fortunate, and I can truly say I look forward to going to work now, and honestly unless I won a very large jackpot, I wouldn't quit my job even if I won a million dollars tomorrow. I hope this will stay the same for the next few decades.

I echo Hardworker's advice to have a family discussion about what each person wants and needs and how the two of you, as a team, can best create the life you want. Would he prefer that you work even though he is willing to support all of you if he has to?
I said it because it's what we did. We went on a camping trip when my wife's mat leave was nearing the end, late at night we stayed up and talked things over. I told my wife I know we can make the budget work if she wants to stay at home, but she wanted to go back because she couldn't let all of her accreditation lapse, be out of the loop for too long, and miss adult interaction too much. She now works flexible hours at a job she likes a fair bit, but less pay than before. Our daughter goes to daycare 3 - 5 days a week for various hours. We'll have that discussion all over again when the second rug rat shows up.

One unexpected benefit, to my daughter going to daycare, is that daycare was much more beneficial to her that we thought. Very shortly after she started at this great lady's house, we noticed her speech, social skills and motor skills improved very rapidly. I believe her being the youngest in group was real help as well. Even if my wife were to stay at home, we'd send her to day care maybe twice a week for the social interaction with other kids.
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